"When we look at happy couples, we are tempted to feel that somehow they got lucky -- they chose the right partner, or they haven't had to face hard times, or there is some kind of charmed fate involved."

"Hardly. There are really only two kinds of relationships: those that are unconscious and those that are conscious. They both have the same agenda --- to finish childhood by getting needs met with the partner that were unmet by our caretakers. But in the unconscious relationship the couple is unaware of this agenda; they don't understand either the nature of their needs or how to get them met, so they become locked in a power struggle, trying to get what they need through various forms of coercion -- anger, withdrawal, complaints, withholding."

"In a conscious relationship, the couple understands what is going on, and the partners make that conscious agenda their conscious intention. They decide to do what is necessary to heal each other's wounds."

Note About Authorship: Taken from "The Couples Companion: Meditations and Exercises for Getting the Love You Want" by Harville Hendrix and Helen Hunt, 1994, Pocket Books