SUCCESSFUL COUPLES™
Get On the Same Page & Create a Satisfying Relationship
Created by Emma K. Viglucci, M.A., MFT, CFT
Marriage and Family Therapist, Writer and Speaker
Relationship Success Expert: Assists Couples Succeed at their Relationship
Founder & President of Metropolitan Wellness Services, Inc.
http://www.metrowellnez.com
Call us at 646-228-8782 or Click Here
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Conscious relating is respectful, patient, loving, accepting and happens at a deeper level. It allows for real connection, bonding and intimacy between partners. It promotes satisfying ways of relating. It's the substance of Real Love.
TABLE OF CONTENTS
- Nurturing Nugget
- Welcome Notes
- Feature Item: How to Create a Satisfying Relationship
- Related Activity and Meditation/Visualization
- Affirmations for Couple Success
- Resources for Couple Success
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1. NURTURING NUGGET
The book "Getting the Love You Want: A Guide for Couples", By Harville Hendrix, presents more in depth the information given on the article below and outlines the "Couples Dialogue" as a tool to better communication, conflict resolution and therefore healing. Get this book and read it together making a commitment to heal each other to achieve conscious relating and therefore a satisfying relationship.
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2. WELCOME NOTES
Welcome to another Successful Couples(tm) issue and WELCOME to the many new subscribers!!
Memorial Day weekend is here bringing in the summer. What a magnificent opportunity to plan your summer fun with your partner.
I find that people either don't plan much fun for the summer and take it as it comes, or plan stuff without consideration to couple time. I find that a lot of people plan vacations but even within those vacations there isn't true time or opportunity for real bonding and connecting.
Summer fun does not need to be expensive and one doesn't always have to go "away vacationing" to have a good time with one's partner and recharge the relationship.
How are you going to use this summer to recharge your relationship and truly enjoy your partner?
Some couples have a hard time connecting and enjoying their couples because their dynamics, the way they interact with each other, get in the way. If you need any assistance working out kinks in your relationship so that you are able to enjoy it, please contact me at 646-228-8782.
Share this issue with others. Hit the forward button now while you are still thinking about it! We grow thanks to you. I appreciate you!!
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3. FEATURE ITEM: How to Create a Satisfying Relationship
Couples meet, "fall-in-love", make a commitment to one another - and the real fun begins. Of course I'm being sarcastic.
Usually once the commitment is made, to "go-steady", "be-exclusive", "be-an-item", move in together, get engaged or get married, that's when things start going downhill. Go back in time in your own relationship(s) and that of others' and see if this isn't true.
Relationships go through three stages: Infatuation, Power Struggle and Conscious Relating.
The infatuation part is when we "fall-in-love". The power struggle starts when that commitment is made. Some couples go right into the power struggle after deciding to be exclusive, others hold out until a more serious level of commitment such as cohabiting or marriage. But all couples go through it and most couples are stuck in it for the life of the relationship.
It is almost unsual for couples to reach the conscious level of relating in their relationship. Not for nothing the divorce rate in this country is over %60 for first marriages and higher for subsequent marriages.
The reasons that most couples get stuck in the power struggle phase is that they don't recognize what is happening, they are not educated about the ways of relationships, and that they don't know how to get out of it even when they do see it.
The power struggle is a result of the partners' baggage interacting with each other. Everybody brings unresolved personal issues with them into their relationship. The personal issues is part of who we are as people and part of what attracted our partner to us in the first place. Partners complement each other with their characteristics, coping and issues hence the initial attraction. This match provides a chance for growth and healing which leads to conscious relating.
The problem is that couples are unaware of this and they get sucked into a viscious cycle of relating. They invite each other's hurtful behavior because of their unresolved personal issues. They do this over and over, and over the same things. They push each others' buttons back and forth. They have recurring arguments and unresolved conflict. Partners' opposite personal characteristics and coping mechanisms exarcerbate this process keeping them stuck in the cycle. This is their dynamic, their pattern.
The beauty of this process is that it happens for a reason. It is an opportunity for growth because we can learn from our partner's complementary characteristics and coping mechanism so we can become whole.
The recurring arguments are a result of old wounds being recreated within the relationship. Therefore when partners provide different outcomes to the same arguments and conflict the old wounds begin to get healed. When this happens time and time again, the old wounds finally are healed and then the partners are no longer inviting hurtful behavior. They instead relate consciously.
Conscious relating is respectful, patient, loving, accepting and happens at a deeper level. It allows for real connection, bonding and intimacy between partners. It promotes satisfying ways of relating. It's the substance of Real Love.
Our job in our relationship is to become aware our and our partner's wounds, and to figure out how we continue to create the same hurts for our partner and how we invite them to hurt us the same way over and over. Our job is to figure out how we push each other's buttons and to stop. We have to give our partner a different outcome than the usual to the arguments and conflicts. This is healing for them which in turn invites them to behave differently toward us and thus healing us.
This is the key to breaking the cycle of negative interaction - the power struggle. When this is done consistently the couple is on its way to conscious relating.
Happy Cycle Breaking!!
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4. RELATED ACTIVITY AND MEDITATION/VISUALIZATION
Pay attention to what you fight about and how you trigger each other, push each other's buttons. What do your fights have in common? In the aftermath, figure out what you were feeling underneath your anger and ask your partner for the same. Then see if you can bring it back to your pasts. To a time growing up when you felt a similar way by the way your caretakers treated you. These are your wounds. Discuss these with each other. Agree to try to give each other an alternate outcome to your disagreements.
~~ At my meditation session today I visualize my partner and I connecting at a deeper level with compassion, empathy, understanding, support, acceptance and love. I see my partner's vulnerability, their wounded child. I hold them with care, warmth and reassurance. In turn, my partner does the same for me. A circle of light engulfs us as we begin to heal.
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5. AFFIRMATIONS FOR COUPLE SUCCESS
~~ I share my wounds with my partner and allow them to heal me
~~ We give alternate behaviors to our usual conflicts and experience healing
~~ We invite a deeper connection, wholeness and healing in our interactions
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6. RESOURCES FOR COUPLE SUCCESS
~~ Other Issues: Read other issues to assist you in your MetroRelationship™ Journey!
Get more insights, tips, tools and resources related to today's content!
~~ Recommended Books: We have a huge selection of recommended books for healing, growth and success! Find books related to today's content!
~~ Couples Corner: Fun Places for Couples, Romance, Dating On a Budget, Tidbits, Gifts, and Tons More!!!!
Note: This newsletter provides insights and resources for couples at all levels of satisfaction in their relationship. It assists couples enhance their relationship, maintain changes, and nurture the relationship and themselves. The content of this newsletter is just food for thought, a source of inspiration and ideas, and a resource. It is not intended in anyway to be therapeutic or a substitute for professional assistance. The content is provided under the assumption the reader is involved in a non-abusive committed long-term relationship. Please refer to our website’s Disclaimer and Conditions of Use. If you believe you require further assistance than is provided here, please hire a Couple Therapist or other relevant professional. We specialize in working with Couples - you may contact us at 646-228-8782 or Click Here.
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Copyright© 2006 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
For Personal Use Only: May be freely copied and distributed only in its entirety provided that authorship and contact information is included.
For Professional and/or Commercial Use: The entire newsletter or its components are available for syndication. If you want to use this material in your publication or show, contact us at 646-228-8782 or Click Here. We look forward to sharing our work and reaching more couples - working with you is important to us! We look forward to hearing from you!!
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